Back home. But getting away again to the jungles for five days for another operation. Can't wait.

photo: [1] riverine water so black it's like a mirror. real spooky spot in temburong. [2] out in the middle of the ocean makin our way back from a patrol. i miss going to the beach.

Beats surviving on MRE's and enduring the harsh cold winds in Wales when I was on training when it was Hari Raya last year. Then again, I'm off getting deployed straight off else where the 3rd day of Raya this year. Fingers crossed, cause I hope there's internet where I'm going to stay away for a whole month. Such is life.

So Eid Mubarak everyone.

photo: Sarah, early morning raya.

It feels good to cry. An Arctic polar bear in its sad demise of almost imminent extinction. It swam for miles on end in the open cold waters and it couldn't stop swimming. All the ice had melted and broken up because we made the earth warmer than it had been in centuries. Swimming and starved helplessly for days on end. It's last weak efforts to swim for it's life just wandering the arctic ocean, it finally gave in and accepted it's sad fate. It drowned. I cried for the polar bear. Such sadness in me but I'm just not able to shed tears for you. I just couldn't anymore no matter how hard I've tried. Though I cried the other day.

I left you with my heart broken. You've never told me why you've given up on life. It frustrated me not being able to make things better, make you better. Maybe in a way I've failed you. You've drifted yourself so far away for me to cast you back in. It saddens me so. I am indebted to you, for being my first incredible love though it end up with me being the only one in love. I hope you well and I hope you will do better without. Thank you, for the memories. It's the only one thing about you I could cherish now.

Today was a very productive day as far as holidays go. Went down to Scuba-Tech International at Empire Hotel and got myself a good dose of salt water up my nostrills. I'm definitely coming back for some more of that Wakeboarding action. It was my first session ever, negotiating the mild ocean waves with my feet strapped to a wakeboard. The instructors told me I had a knack for it cause I was well on my way swerving around by the sixth try after falling face first into the water. Most people take up their whole hour or more sessions just to get on their two feet on the water. Never told them I was a kiteboarder (well.. still a long way to being one cause I've barely actually rode my kiteboard properly). It's so exilirating just cruising so fast along the water surface. Next time I'll have a videocam for show. Now if I had someone who could at least dog paddle to come along.

I'm back home now after Sungkai di Kampong at my Aunt's place. I realised how long I've been away from my relatives, let alone my own family. My nephews all have grown up with their misai and all. They all keep saying it's been so long since they've seen me around. And I jokingly just say, "Kehutan saja ku, hahah". I think I'll just stay home tonight. I've yet to watch that Blue Planet DVD on my dad's new huge flat screen TV anyway. He got a whole theatre system in time for the coming Hari Raya, and a TV satellite dish to go with. I'm like, "Banyak channel Indon jua ganya...".

Now for some more of The Presets, can't stop drowning myself in their nu-wave electro pop goodness, Apocalypso. This Boy's In Love plays on repeat.

What does it mean to blog? Why would I want to. It's like a one way conversation with someone you don't even know. I've failed at keeping journals. Mostly because I dont' see the point of laying down one's thoughts on paper and eventually have it kept away in the dust. I suppose I'm someone who solves problems with a tangible and definite outcome.

I'd like to think people do things for a reason even though they themselves don't know what the reason is. That is just observation from my unfortunately and maybe overly analytical mind. So why do I even bother then? Well, then again putting down ones thoughts and reflecting back on them with the purpose of resolution does aid in just that I suppose. But hey what if you did that in real life talking incessantly to yourself making people think you're something of a mental case. We're really just better off making use of our billions of years of evolution in social engagements and just talk to some one.

So the point you'd say I'm probably missing is that I'm really not alone in this world, am I. Regardless of the medium of existence, be it, the real or cyber world. Now get me my shrooms.